Uncertain.
That’s probably the most accurate word that describes the current time in my life. There are many things that I am uncertain about regarding the future, and much of that has to do with what has transpired over the last few months. Perhaps, in time, I will write more about those events. For now, my thoughts are dominated by that uncertainty–what direction to take, what job to pursue, and how best to lead my family through this wilderness.

For the past 11 years, my family and I were at the same church. For 8 of those years, I was on staff as the student ministries pastor. We invested deeply in relationships, and poured our entire lives into making disciples, leading well and shepherding the flock in that local church. Due to a series of circumstances and events that took place over the last few months surrounded by doctrinal controversy and philosophical differences, I was asked to resign my position and leave the church. As of 2 weeks ago, I am no longer employed by the church, and am no longer welcome within that local body of believers. So, I have lost my income and we have lost many relationships. However, in the midst of all of this uncertainty and transition, God’s grace has shown up tangibly in the deep friendships he has allowed us to develop over the last 8 years. His sustaining grace has become tangible in those friends and their care for us, and these relationships have been strengthened through this wilderness experience.

Some may balk at me calling it a wilderness. And perhaps there is some validity to that objection. But there is a certain exilic tenor that accompanies the combined loss of the local church that you’re connected with and the job that provides for your family. Having experienced this twice in my life now, I can say that being in vocational ministry has a certain precarious nature to it, in that the loss of that source of income is accompanied by the loss of deep relationships at the same time. Which makes this time in our life especially challenging and full of uncertainty.

To be sure, there are far worse things that we could be enduring. But I have found that it is not often helpful to compare any given situation to what could be worse, especially as a way of finding hope. That is the kind of hope that leaves us empty and ironically hopeless. In order to persevere and endure difficult situations, we must come face to face with our inability to see the way forward, which in turn ought to drive us to the God who is never uncertain about the future. The one true God who knows the end from the beginning, and from eternity past knew about this situation in which we find ourselves. I am inadequate, but He is not.

I have not served in the military, so I do not pretend to know details of how the armed forces work. But I have recently been intrigued with the concept of change of station. Basically it’s the idea of your assigned duty being changed by the military. Where you’re currently serving is not where you will continue to serve. Instead, you’ll be moving somewhere new to continue your military service. This description may not be the most accurate way to describe it, but that is how I understand change of station.

Change of station is where I am at right now, except I don’t know what the new station is yet. God has made it abundantly clear that our time at the current station has come to an end. Our assignment here is done, and we’re not sure what the next assignment will be. But he is faithful and we are trusting him with the weeks and months ahead, even though we can’t see the way forward.

I have a quote that sits just below the screen on which I am writing this that reads “shepherd the flock in a way that you won’t be ashamed of on the Day of Accounting.”¹ That sums up how I tried to lead at this station where we have been for the last 11 years, and by God’s grace it is the mindset with which I will prayerfully move into whatever station is next.

I have been given a few months of severance pay, but beyond that we don’t know how God will provide for us or what employment I should seek. There are some opportunities, but even that is uncertain. If you’d like to financially support us along this journey, I am hoping to have some small woodworking items available for sale in the near future (cutting boards, candle holders, etc.) and I hope to make them available for shipping as well.

For now, even though much about the future is uncertain, the one thing that is never uncertain is God. His steadfast love never fails. We have already seen his provision in multiple ways and we rejoice! His character is unchangeable and he is faithful, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Soli Deo Gloria!

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¹ Dever, Mark, and Paul Alexander. How to Build a Healthy Church: A Practical Guide for Deliberate Leadership. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2021.