As I think back on this year and what a whirlwind it has been, one of the biggest things that sticks in my mind is how difficult it has been as a pastor to lead a church through the uncharted waters that 2020 has presented. I know there are pastors all across the country that have faced and are facing this same challenge. Most of the local church pastors out there love Jesus and are doing their best to lead their churches well, and I have mad respect for them. Although many hold paid positions in their churches, many do not. Jesus’ church has many shepherds who will never see a paycheck from the church they serve. In either case, this is a formidable group doing kingdom work for the glory of God. But here I want to focus on another group of people, equally as formidable and warriors in their own right, but often in the background and under-appreciated. Today, I want to offer my respect and express my gratitude to all of the pastors’ wives out there.

These are the ladies who, in some situations, sit quietly behind the scenes as their husbands teach and lead. In other cases, they teach and lead alongside of their husbands in multiple capacities. In yet other cases they are not sitting quietly, they are engaging loudly because that’s what the situation calls for. They are outspoken and protective when they need to be, yet not belligerent or demeaning. They counsel, listen, and pour themselves empty into others with not much visual return. They fiercely follow Jesus with strong convictions and a heart for people. They are courageous ladies who battle feelings of insecurity and unworthiness, just like every other person. Yet they are often expected not to show these weaknesses, or at least have worked through them enough to not be bothered by them again. On top of that, they are supposed to know how to help others navigate their weaknesses, too. They are often expected to be the shining example of a woman that follows Jesus.

Not that the pastor’s wife shouldn’t be an example of how to follow Jesus. She should indeed be that example. But she often carries a burden that is hard to describe, and even harder to share with others without betraying confidence or hurting the body of Christ. Sometimes she works so hard to support her husband that she loses her way and her own identity gets lost in the shuffle. But she is a vital part of the body because of what Jesus has done for her, not because of the role her husband fills in the church. She tirelessly fights for herself to maintain her own identity apart from her husband’s role and how she is viewed in the church.

I initially sat down to write this as a thank you to my wife, who tirelessly supports me and keeps me grounded, gently pointing me back to Jesus through our conversations and even our disagreements. She follows Jesus well, although she wouldn’t tell you that. Only those closest to her truly know the extent to which that is true. But I ended up writing this not just for her, but for all of the women out there who are currently experiencing the incredible highs and the devastating lows of being married to a shepherd of God’s people. Because I see you and all you do.

This is for the pastor’s wife who…

Works inside or outside your home all day.
Plans meals for your family.
Ensures that your kids stay alive and don’t kill each other.
Deals with an all-too-often exhausted husband who comes home at the end of the day with no end in sight to the work he has left to do.
Prays silently for the people in your church.
Stops to listen to a concerned church member.
Worships weekly with people who have spoken poorly about you or your husband and caused you to hurt deeply.
Feels responsible to hold a certain level of spirituality.
Regularly battles feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
Over-analyzes how people view you.
Fields questions that you don’t know how to answer.
Feels the pressure to meet the various expectations of well-meaning church members.
Sometimes resents the church your husband leads because it demands so much of his time.
Bears the burden of confidentiality with information that few people know.
Understands the stark difference of where the church is vs. where the church is meant to be.
Labors alongside of your husband to see the kingdom advance, one relationship at a time.
Pours into other women to see them follow Jesus.
Patiently redirects your husband through his discouragement and fears.
Sees a need and steps up to fill it.
Holds your tongue when the stinging words of criticism come ringing in your ears.
Didn’t know what you were signing up for until you saw the ugly underbelly of church politics.
Helps to bear your husband’s burden when he is discouraged by the sin in his own heart.
Longs to see God glorified through his church.
Rejoices with those who rejoice.
Weeps with those who weep.
Knows you need Jesus.

And the list could go on. But you get the point. There is no way to adequately say thank you for who you are and what you do. The work you do is vital to the kingdom. It makes Jesus look good and lifts up his church for his glory. Whatever you’ve faced this year, and whatever you’ll face in the future, may you find this to be a simple encouragement from a heart filled with gratitude. For my wife—Jerelyn, I am forever grateful for your partnership in this life. I would not be leading in the way that I currently am without you. Aside from leading, I would not even be following Jesus the way that I am without you. Thank you for helping me to follow Jesus better because of your influence in my life.

Some of you that are reading this, I will likely never meet this side of eternity. Others I see sporadically because of distance and time constraints. Still others of you I come in contact with every week, and I know how your families operate and some of your struggles, and I’m often amazed at how you handle the weights that you carry. I’m honored to be on this journey of following Jesus with you. 

Today, I pray that you all understand the reality of who God is and what he has done for you through Jesus.

He is gracious, so you do not have to prove yourself to him or to anyone else. Jesus is your proof.
He is glorious, so you do not have to fear others when opinions come crashing down on you. Jesus’ opinion matters more than anyone else’s.
He is great, so you do not have to be in control and hold everything together. Jesus holds everything together.
He is good, so you do not have to look to anyone else, including your husband. Jesus is the better husband and only he can truly satisfy.

The gospel is good news for weary pastors’ wives, too.
To the under-appreciated warriors fighting daily kingdom battles…thank you.