As I contemplated Father’s Day 2020, and had several conversations with other dads today, my mind can’t help but go to all of the times that I have failed my kids. I’ve got three kids, the oldest of whom is 12, so I’ve had plenty of opportunities to make mistakes. In fact, I snapped at one of them this afternoon–on Father’s Day. It was a situation that I judged too quickly between him and his sister, and reacted before I could think about it.

Dad fail. Again.
And the guilt sets in.

I see a unique dichotomy happening in the world right now when it comes to dads.

On the one hand, society pretty much frames dads as deadbeats. Most sitcoms and kids shows that I’ve seen (granted for just a few minutes at a clip) paint dad as the most incompetent person in the room. Dads on Netflix don’t seem to understand how the world works, and they know even less about their kids. It is no secret that these kinds of shows influence how kids view their parents, especially dad. I can’t help but wonder if these shows also subtly shape how dads view themselves. I mean, if I’m already a deadbeat, what’s the sense in trying to change that?

On the other hand, the church seems to lay an immense burden at the feet of every dad who legitimately cares about his family. I don’t think the church means to heap this weight on dad’s shoulders, but it often comes across as a gold standard that no one can live up to. It doesn’t matter how much you try, or how hard you work, there will always be something you could have done better and more opportunities to discipline your kids correctly. There is an almost insurmountable pressure that dads experience to lead their families and love their kids well. At least from where I’m standing.

To be sure, dads, our responsibility is clearly outlined in Scripture and it is weighty. I don’t mean to diminish that in any way. As far as our wives are concerned, Paul tells us to love them as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). This statement finds itself in the broader context of Paul explaining the mystery of the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church. He is saying that marriage is meant to image this ultimate eternal relationship. The way a husband loves his wife images unimaginable gospel truths. That is meant to be weighty. As far our kids are concerned, a few lines later, Paul exhorts dads to not provoke their children to anger, but instead to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Seems simple enough, until you have a kid (or three) and realize how difficult it actually is to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel up to that task. There are alot of remodeling projects that I like to do around the house. Updating the bathroom, installing new trim, siding, shelving, and all sorts of things. If I’m familiar with how to do it, the task is much easier to tackle. However, I find that when I have a task that I am unfamiliar with, such as installing a new tub surround, I am much more likely to put it off and maybe not even engage with it at all. I think this happens for multiple reasons–lack of knowledge, uncertainty about the process, and fear of failure, to name a few. Sometimes being a dad feels like one of those insurmountable tasks. Teach them about God, raise them up to love Jesus, fix the broken toys, oil the bike chains, answer the questions, play that game again…and again…and again. Sometimes the weight is crippling, and can prevent me from engaging at all. When I try to be all that my family needs me to be, I often feel like I am not up to the task. I don’t have what it takes. I am not enough.

Dads, you won’t be enough. That might sound like a bummer, but you can’t possibly be all that your family needs you to be, at least if it’s up to you.
But here’s where the good news hits the hardest…
You don’t have to be enough because Jesus is more than enough!

In calling you to be a husband to your wife and a dad to your kids, God has not abandoned you to struggle through that process on your own. He’s actually designed this process to leave you desperate for His Spirit to lead your heart as you lead your family. And you don’t come to the point of desperation when you think that you can handle the task that is before you. Jesus didn’t come to earth to live a sinless life, die a substitutionary death, and come back to life in order for us to be perfect dads. He did that so we would realize that there is only one perfect dad, and we aren’t it. If we are relying on our own strength, abilities, and knowledge to lead our family, then we will fail miserably. We won’t be enough, and we will be crushed by the weight of that responsibility. Our heavenly Father knows exactly what we need and exactly what it takes to be a dad, and he promises his Spirit to help us be dads!

Dads, we have been given one of the most incredible responsibilities in the universe. See that little girl sitting next to you, always wanting your attention and asking for help? How about that boy growing up to be young man trying to find his way? As followers of Jesus, you and I have the awesome privilege of modeling gospel-centered repentance and faith because of what Jesus has done in our hearts. When God has opened our eyes to see the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus (2 Cor. 4:4-6), we realize that the only way to lead our families is in humility and dependence on God. I need His Spirit to help me fix the toys, oil the bike chain, and play the game again. The only way I can be a dad with the right motives is through understanding the gospel of Jesus and all the he is for us. This paves the way for us to lead our kids to follow us as we follow Jesus, mistakes and all.

Maybe you’re feeling the crushing weight of being a dad today. Maybe, like me, you’re more aware of that on some days than others. Be encouraged on this Father’s Day that God has not given you a task for which he won’t equip you. He hasn’t called you to be a dad for your own glory, but for his. And he won’t leave you alone in that task.

Dad, you won’t be enough, but you can sure rest in the One who is and trust him with the hearts of your children as you seek to live out your faith in this ravaged, sin-cursed world.